12 Calming Activities To Do With Your Toddler Before Bedtime (Or Anytime)

About the author

I am a young mum to 3 beautiful daughters, originally from Sydney, Australia - now living in country NSW with my partner of over 10 years and our girls.

7. Give them a hand massage with some calm-smelling lotion - and let them do it back to you. This is another great one (I might say that about all of them haha)! I first read about it in Dr Harvey Karp’s amazing book The Happiest Toddler On The Block. Gentle baby/toddler massage has also been shown to help with bonding as well as tonnes of other benefits like reduced stress, boosted immunity, better focus, and brain development. Wild I know! One night we were finding it hard, I remembered that I had some beautiful-smelling body lotion containing natural essential oils gifted to me recently. So I grabbed it out, asked my little one to put her hand out, and I took a bit of the lotion and used it to rub over each one of her fingers and then the rest of her hands and up to below her elbow. She loved the feeling of it and the smell of the essential oils made the whole room smell super relaxing!

8. Give them a big cuddle and go over what happened that day. It sounds simple, but this has been a game changer ever since I learnt about it in a mindful parenting course I did! It’s also really useful for times when they’re distressed, like after tripping over and hurting themselves. All you do is talk about what happened. What happened just then? What did you trip on? And at night, you could ask things such as: What friends did you play with at daycare? What did we do this afternoon? What did we eat for dinner? What did we play with? What music did we listen to? Talking through things together can actually be really calming for them and relieves any pent up anxiety from their day and helps to distract them from the stress of trying to sleep.

9. Brush their hair - and let them brush yours. This is a great one even for when your toddler doesn’t want you to brush their hair. Or similar to some of the others above, it can just be a really nice activity to do together before bed. Everyone knows how relaxing it is to have your hair done. Sometimes toddlers might feel like it’s a chore, so they don’t want to do it. But if it’s for fun or relaxing, and you take turns brushing each others hair, it gives them a sense of control and leadership, and also can feel really relaxing.

10. Scribbling in a notebook with pencils. This doesn’t have to be anything fancy. You don’t even have to get colouring-in books or worksheets, a plain old simple notebook and some basic pencils or crayons will do! Give your toddler some time to do some free-drawing or scribbling. This can be great to help them get any emotions out, and to express themselves which can be useful before bed if they’ve had a big day and need to process some things emotionally.

11. Stickers. What toddler doesn’t love stickers am I right!? Another really fun but quiet activity for them is to play with some stickers either to stick on themselves or on a piece of paper. You could even get enough sheets of stickers to last a while and they could do one a night. It could just be prepared for them on their bed as part of their bedtime routine. Such an easy go-to!

12. Body brush. I left this one to last because I haven’t personally tried it, but I thought someone out there could seriously benefit from it with all the reviews I’ve read about it, so I wanted to include it. It’s especially beneficial for children that are quite sensory. There’s a particular one available called the Therapressure Brush. It is used as a way of providing a deeper message as well as relieving any sensory defensiveness that your little one might struggle with. You could even make the most of it by seeing an occupational therapist to help you know how to use it properly, but I’m sure there would be a lot of resources on Google to help get you started!

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Bedtime can be tricky. With my first daughter, it wasn’t too bad. She loved her milk bottle and getting tucked into bed, and even though she didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 1 and a half, it was never a battle. We’d read a few books, have a cuddle say good night, give her a bottle, and she’d zonk out. I really didn’t get what all the fuss was about. I thought that was what people were whinging about with bedtime - just the mere fact of doing it! And then came my second born... oh boy. She was on a whole different level from the moment she was earthside! Even the first night in hospital, I remember I couldn’t get her down until 3am when she finally gave me 2 hours in her bassinet when I could have a sleep. Even the nurses tried settling her earlier but they came back after 20 minutes and handed her back to me saying they had no luck - sorry mama, she’s your problem! Lol, they didn’t say that, but that’s how it felt. And I’m her mama so that’s the situation I was in!

By this, I want you to see that it’s not you. Some kids don’t mind going to bed, and a nice bedtime routine will suffice. For others, it’s a whole other challenge and it’s just the way they are born. They’ll be the first to dive into activities like sky diving and tree top ziplining when they’re older!

Ever since then, I’ve had to become a super mindful mum, I’ve had to read plenty of parenting books and do parenting courses. Bedtime was a battle, exactly like parents had described. Even though we had a routine, when it finally came to putting my toddler into bed, I was faced with defiance. She just didn’t settle. She was a colicky baby, turned into a toddler who jumped off the walls at 7pm. After lots of guidance, I eventually would tuck in my first born, and then spend about half an hour connecting one on one with my second, singing songs, reading books, tucking in fluffy toys, and pretending to jump into space when I finally tried getting her into her cot.

3. Give them a hot towel for their face. Have you ever been to a spa or on an aeroplane flight where they provide you with a hot wet towel to wipe your face with? It is one of THE most relaxing experiences in the world! The warm dampness of the soft towel over your skin I mean wow… it doesn’t get much better than that. I started offering a hot towel to my little one, and when I gently roll it up and place it on her forehead after she lies down on her pillow, she instantly goes into relax mode. Being offered a simple hot towel before bed is honestly like being in a day spa and it’s so easy to do.

4. Paint on a clay face mask. ASMR! When my toddlers had some days at daycare where they had their faces painted, they would come home and want to paint my face. I’d let them use a dry paintbrush with nothing on it and they would pretend to brush my face and they had so much fun. Honestly, it was soo relaxing (if they didn’t get my eye lol)! Get a clay mask in a tub and a nice soft brush, ask your toddler to lie down and then paint their face with it. Afterwards use a warm face washer to take it off. Honestly does it get any more relaxing than that!? This is a great one too because then they also get into the habit of doing relaxing face masks which is great for their skin and it’ll be something they always do as they grow up. I wish someone did that with me when I was little!

Now that we have a third baby, it’s been a challenge to say the least. I knew it was going to be hard, but I thought I would just “figure it out”. Which yes, I have had to figure out, but man, it’s been tough! So I thought I would put together a list of calming things I turn to now when it’s time for bed with my spirited little toddler for any other parents out there who need some help. Any parent knows a day with a toddler, or waking up with your toddler, working and then coming home to be with your toddler all afternoon, can be exhausting - and by bedtime, when they don’t want to sleep you just want to pull your hair out - or better yet, collapse on the couch! But your little one has 5% of the responsibilities you do, and they don’t get it. The world is so exciting, why would anyone want to go to bed, right?!

So here are my go-to tips for toddlers who don’t want to go to bed:

1. Sing songs together. One of the best things I’ve learnt so far is that a lot of the time your toddler wants connection if they’re dragging out their bedtime. And I get it, it is SO hard when you’re exhausted. You’re thinking cmon - we’ve literally spent hours together today already! But it’s more to do with the fact that sometimes these little ones might have separation anxiety or might just even feel a certain pressure or stress about going to bed as well. (And who knows, maybe if you’ve been particularly busy lately you could introduce a daily 10 minute miracle with them which worked wonders for me when we had our third baby and I couldn’t give my middle child anywhere near the same amount of attention she was used to.) Anyway I’ll cut to the chase. I found that a good way to connect with her, especially when I was exhausted and not in the mood for a long put down, was through singing. I didn’t have to put in much effort on my part either. She would gladly take the lead and I even used these gorgeous nursery rhyme books to guide us through our songs. She loved it and it worked like a charm!

2. Play with quiet wooden toys and puzzles in their room. I’ll never forget when my little one’s day care told me she was suddenly obsessed with a giant 4-In-A-Row they had there, and would spend up to an hour playing with it. That’s when the idea came to me to bring some quiet wooden toys into her room to help her wind down to bed time. It was like magic! She would love playing with her bead maze, as well as her wooden animal puzzles and busy board. Some experts will say bedrooms should be just for sleeping and no playing so that they learn that it’s not a place for playtime, but for us, this worked so well.

5. Role reversal - tuck their toys into bed. I read somewhere that toddlers need the 3 C’s before getting into bed, and while I can only remember two of them (connection and control), I’ve still found these work enough! They are so used to doing what they’re told all day (or not lol), and so if you allow them to take the lead and put their toys to bed and tell them to go to sleep, they won’t feel so alone like they’re the only ones going to sleep in their room, but also it gives them a sense of being in control and having some ownership in the home, too. Now whenever I’m having a particularly hard night, I say - “Oh no! We forgot to tuck your teddy and bunny into bed” and sometimes it really helps! I’ve heard some parents do this every single night as part of their toddler’s bedtime routine.

6. Draw on their face or back. Oh my gosh. This one worked wonders for us. Everyone loves the feeling of something drawing on their face or back - it’s that feeling of ASMR, and just knowing someone is caring enough to gently stroke your face is enough to put you to sleep. It’s almost like you’re transferring calm energy directly to them! I sometimes offer to draw love hearts or butterflies on my little one’s face. It’s perfect to set some nice imagery for them before bed and also to be put straight into a more calm energy.

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